Dreams of a Pieguy

It was the fat-free Jello.

It's always the fat-free Jello.

Things happen to me when I eat it minutes before I go to bed. My usual dreams become so strange, I can remember them for years afterwards. Needless to say, I eat it a lot.

Dream 1: The Arm

It was a long time ago, probably about fifth grade. It was a normal day of school. Everyone was busy doing their work, which mostly consisted of drawing, seek 'n finds, and other pointless assignments. You could say it was as exciting as listening to a speech on television about the theory of relativity and how it applies to Newton's law of gravity, which could have been influenced by George Washington's infamous "Bettysgurg Address."

Thus, we were delighted when a voice come on the intercom:

"All students please evacuate the building. A threat is coming. All students please evacuate the building. A threat..."

A look of horror flashed on the teacher's face. She led the class out of the school and into the parking lot. Oddly enough, we seemed to be the only class that had school that day. We were confused; no one knew exactly what was happening.

As we left the school, we were told to stand at certain points. We stood in alphabetical order, about ten feet away from each other, and about thirty feet away from the school. We were told to be quiet, or else. No one wanted to find out what else was; the parking was completely quiet.

It was suspenseful. We all stood there, fearing the certain death that may or may not have been coming. An old man--mostly bald, but with little patches of white hair around his ears--limped around the parking lot with a bowl of hard-boiled eggs. He handed one to each of us.

"What are these for?" I asked.

"Protection."

"...Oh."

I wasn't about to ask questions. I swallowed the egg in one mighty gulp. Placebo or not, the egg helped us all calm down. Some of us were even having fun.

Then I saw it.

It was huge, at least the size of two fully-grown oak trees.

It was a gigantic arm.

A scream of terror rang out from the students in the parking lot as the arm flipped its way towards the building. Some started to run. The arm completely destroyed half of the school building (and there was much rejoicing. "Yaaay."). We narrowly avoided the arm as it totaled the cars in the lot. Everyone except me. The arm seemed to follow me. I could do nothing but run. The old man started yelling at me. "You were supposed to eat it in two bites, you moron!" were the last words I heard before I tripped. The hand of the arm was only inches away from my face. I would be dead in mere seconds.

Poof.

Dream 2: I Hate Boats

Not long after that dream, I had another dream. Although less absurd as the other one, it was still an odd one.

Me and a "friend" were on a boat. Somehow, the boat was as small as a fishing boat, but as large as the Titanic. Don't ask, cause I don't know.

What we were doing, I couldn't tell you. We seemed to be wandering around the deck, trying to find something to do. That's when I saw her.

She was beautiful. Beautiful. Here's a rough description of her:

She was exactly my size, maybe just a little bit shorter. She was really skinny. And her face was a gaping black hole. It seemed normal for me. After all, who doesn't have a huge black expanse of nothingness for a head?

I started to walk towards her to introduce myself. She looked at me and smiled. As I started to say "hi," disaster struck.

Something had hit the side of the boat. It was weak enough to keep the boat in one piece, but strong enough to knock a girl off of a boat. And that's exactly what it did.

The black hole girl went flying off the side of the railing. With a splash, she went hurtling to the bottom of the ocean. Hastily donning a pair of swimming shorts, I followed suit, followed by my friend.

It was a long search, but eventually I found the black hole. I hurried towards the bottom to find the girl lying unconscious. Somehow, she was injured, and somehow, my presence healed her. She swam (or maybe black holes are buoyant) to the top, and together we made our way onto the ship again. Somehow.